Twitter Jail 2

I spent the night back in Twitter jail.

Unlike last time, very specific reasons accompanied this lockdown. Wednesday evening, I replied “die pepsico, die (please)” to some dumb bullshit ad polluting my Twitter feed courtesy of the bloated food & beverage corp.

Soon after, I was locked out of my account, pointed toward the offending reply like a naughty child, and given the “option” to delete it. Upon choosing this “option” (over the alternative of losing my account forever), I was restored to Twitter in a kind of ghost state. For 12 hours, I was allowed to see but do nothing else.

Hilariously, this prohibition on interaction extended even to liking. Not only that, but rather than simply disabling these features, Twitter instead programs the app to punish any attempt to use them; click a “like” icon, e.g., and get whisked back to the “you have been naughty and are banned from interacting” page.

This is absurdist.

For one thing, the genuine hate and violent language on Twitter seems to go largely unchecked. Meanwhile racist trolls can swarm-report investigative journalists and get their accounts locked down, and Twitter sticks me in 12-hour time-out for suggesting that a corporation which inserted itself unasked into my timeline die, please, which obviously must be figurative language because PepsiCo is not a living being.

Still, compared with the (reportedly intentional) mystery concealing reasons for my longer spell in Twitter jail a couple of years ago, at least this episode was a model of transparency. “Here’s exactly what prompts our punishment, here’s low long it will last.”

So thanks for that at least, shit bags.

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