The End

To all of the friends, colleagues, clients, allies, and definitely including online friends, thank you.

I won’t manage to write personally to all the many people who have touched my life in some positive way, but I appreciate each of you.

I perceived an end approaching, for me, more than six years ago. At no point since then can I recall really thinking “things are turning out better than I dreaded; I’m going to forget the entire idea of getting out.”

Many of you have only met me within this time period. Looking back, up until late 2019 I wouldn’t have missed it for anything. Even amid stressful ups and downs, we had some times. The two and a half years since have still included some interest, certainly. But an extended negative trend within the ups and downs is undeniable now.

I have concluded that a lot of things were effectively beyond rescue—a lot of rescue efforts hopelessly ineffective and yet themselves firmly stuck within established concepts and forms and actions—years ago. Some day, the old culture may simply no longer be able to sustain itself. Perhaps a genuinely meaningful rebuilding will follow that. But I expect a long period of ruin and loss and futility between now and then.

I can’t keep doing this. My interest has left me, my heart is broken, and not all hurts can be healed.

I have spent years exploring this, testing out perspectives and alternatives and assertions of possibility. Of my conclusions I have written at length, elsewhere. But I have lived and had a good life, and now the good part seems to be past. I have decided to go.

I would like to be wrong. For my outlook to prove too pessimistic, too soon. I would like there to be a brighter future in which all of you will be safe and well. I wish with all my heart that this will be so. And I wish, in such event, you will think of me with a little kindness, a little forgiveness, if you have it in you.

Fare well.

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